So, you all might have noticed I haven’t been really online nor doing any artwork… or for the most part just simply poofed off the face of the online world without so much as a word for awhile here. Don’t feel bad if you feel out of the loop because even my dearest & closest friends had to hunt me down to see if I’m still alive.
To be honest even my own RL Roomie isn’t in the know on the details of how I’ve been feeling lately beyond “I’m feeling light headed I’m gonna go hang out on the couch; could you make me a sandwich” or “I kinda need some help with chores right now“. He’s a bigger worry wort than me & Covid-19 has put him in a tizzy already so I don’t want to put more on his shoulders right now.
I’ve been meaning to write this for some time but been putting it off because I usually just want to avoid this subject all together & have been for years, specially in SL. Only a small handful have heard anything about this beyond my usual “My bed & I have a special bond” or “I’m a workaholic but I’m Lazy”. I haven’t been well for a long time & 90% of my workaholic nature is just me trying to distract myself from the fact that this is the case.
Before the conspiracy theorist come out… No, I won’t be asking for money; I don’t need it.. so a Gofundme type page will happen over my dead body; nor am I playing the sympathy card here I avoid this topic to keep SL a place where I don’t get “kid gloved” and now only saying something about it because I’ve cause major worry for many as of late.
Ok, now for the details so to speak, It’s a long story but here I go… when I was little some stuff happened and since not much was known about my condition back then the doctors pretty much were saying that I was lucky to be alive & I’d just have some nerve damage… at least that is what I remember since it was so long ago. When I started getting into my late 20’s tho I started getting tired really easy & noticed some things that weren’t right like having fainting spells all the time, being out of breathe from walking a couple of blocks, & really my not gaining a pound & losing weight to dangerous underweight numbers even tho I eat like a piggy pig isn’t because I have the metabolism of a chipmunk like I joke around about.
So, I went & saw a doctor about it all in I think my 30’s… thankfully she was a specialist for what I had but at the same time she didn’t really have good news for me either. She explained that why I was well the way I was is due to internal damage that has always been there since I was really little… simply put; my organs are having to work twice as hard to do what they do compared to the average person so for me walking a couple of blocks is like doing a marathon for them. She also went on to say that people with my condition don’t often live to see 40 & I’ll probably die from organ failure & all I can really do is pray the one that calls it quits 1st is the one that is the least painful & kills me the quickest. Lets just say when she started talking about how usually the 1st to go was the Esophagitis & if that goes down hill I’ll probably starve to death slowly wasn’t delightful news to me since I really do love food.
Well I made it to that magical unicorn number of 40 this March so yay; but of course that is right around when Covid-19 reared it’s ugly head as well in the US & as you can guess if I get that I’m pretty much screwed. As of right now my one & only goal in life is to make it to 48 so I can see a certain 10 yr old graduate high school before I die. So, yeah I’m taking no chances & any little thing is a big deal because I’m not gonna have another “Backache Incident”.
(for those of you who haven’t heard that story… I almost died from what I thought was a backache that turned out to be internal bleeding when I was younger)
It’s great & all that I’ve made it to 40 but shortly after I started getting even more worn out quicker than usual along with more frequent dizzy spells even while sitting & the flight of stairs in the house has become my nemesis as of late that I only face when I have to. I at 1st thought it was just a cold but it persisted for far to long & now I’ve pretty much lost the will to do anything beyond what is needed. If I do have any energy at all it goes to RL stuff (In fact even writing this is taking a lot out of me & I’m gonna go lay down right after).
Sorry I’ve left many of you in the dark & super worried but I’ve been going through a lot & just been trying to keep the will to live still intact at this point. I’m hoping I’ll feel better sooner or later & have energy to do things like pics again but I really don’t know when that will be. Just know, if things take a turn for the worst my Roomie is under strict orders to do my “game plan” of contacting my SL Bestie to in turn let you all know what happened. Let’s just hope that won’t be enacted any time soon.