Hi there. You won’t remember my name in a few minutes. But it’d be rude not to introduce myself.
My name is Agent S and I’m with MiB. That’s right. Them. As I said, you won’t remember this conversation in a few minutes. Why am I bothering saying anything? Well, it’s only polite. I like to give people a little perspective on what we do, even if I have to mess with your memory afterwards.
Agent R, my partner, and I are 2 of the only agents assigned to the “Black Letter Division”, in MiB. Or as Zed likes to call us, the “Hocus Pocus Squad”. It might have something to do with Agent R’s being a half demon, and my being an elf. But we get the job done. Our particular specialty is that we deal more with ‘home grown supernatural threats’ when they rear their ugly head. Or heads. It’s not all ‘aliens this’ and ‘extraterrestrials that’. Sure, sophisticated alien beings with super science can appear to be magical, and sometimes the two get blurred together – like with Cthulhu, and the like. Bad example – the big C is hardly home grown. Anyway, supernatural threats are what we tend to deal with.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah.. Me and my partner, Agent R.. We were taking our time, drinking coffee at a local coffee house, checking out the news feeds – at least I was – and Agent R had his earbuds in. The cable snaked down to the smartphone, and I had to grin, as I could hear the slightest of leakage of his music selection. J-Rock. That was his addiction. He’s younger than me (at least I think he is) We don’t talk too much about our ages. He was easy on the eyes, about 20 years old, with long blond hair and skin that would make a supermodel green with envy. And the MiB suit looked damn good on his lean frame. Hey, no. I don’t perv on my partner. Ok, maybe a little bit. You won’t tell on me, will you? Ahh good point- if I erase your memory, you can’t! But seriously, we’re strictly professional.
The suit really was good for that. By contrast I was a bit taller, my brown hair pulled up into a manbun, but I had some coming down the sides to hide my pointed ears, though in the Village, you didn’t get a lot of scrutiny for such things. People just took it in as a matter of course.
That’s when we heard the grinding of concrete and screams and rending of metal. Something bad was going down. Must have been a day ending in ‘y’.
I gulped down the last of my coffee, and shook R’s shoulder. He looked up like he was just coming back from an out of body trip, and yanked his earbuds out.
“What?” R Said.
“Something’s going pear-shaped outside, “ I said. “Sounds like a building collapsed. “
“Huh. Ok, let me finish my toast,“ R said.
A car came crashing through the wall, and flung debris all over the place, including our table, destroying the coffee cups and his precious toast. R scowled, and looked up at me. I shrugged, then commented, “Well I guess your toast is finished. You ready yet, sunshine?”
He pulled out a pair of skin-tight black gloves and tugged them on. “Let’s roll, “ R said.
We went out into the street, and you guessed it, it wasn’t pretty.
The creature looked very much like a millipede with wings. The main problem with it, was that it was 399 feet long. and it wasn’t doing anything to be discrete. It was snaking its enormous body (something longer than a football field classifies as enormous), lashing back and forth, bowling over lamp posts, squashing cars and the unfortunate pedestrians in and around them. Oh, yeah, a building or two was going to be an extreme fixer-upper for the next owners.
It was a lot like that old arcade game, Rampage! Or, to really go old-school, like Godzilla out on the town in Tokyo on a Saturday night. Well, minus the lightning breath and the lizard-like form. Still, if you don’t think a giant millipede with wings isn’t capable of wreaking havoc, think again. It was spewing out streamers of a viscous ooze that was rather noxious and acidic. And it caught fire too, on contact with oxygen. And it smelled bad.
Thankfully it seemed that ‘Aggraxinicus, the God with the Thousand Legs” had to work up the noxious loogie and only a few unfortunate souls were unlucky enough to get hit with the nasty crap. We knew Aggraxinicus or ‘Mopar’ – don’t ask me how he got nicknamed that – and he wasn’t usually this large or upset. I could only guess his primitive hind-brain took control.
In this case, he wasn’t trying to kill people. He was just targeting old cars that didn’t have catalytic converters. It seemed that the fumes irritated it’s sinuses, like an allergic reaction. And yeah, Mopar was really irritated.
What happened next was, Agent R pulled out what looked like a wand from Harry Potter movie, and started running towards Mopar, and then he went into a blur. It was like he was the Flash from that superhero show. He was very quickly in front of the massive bug, and at the last moment, Mopar halted what he was doing. In fact, the critter just kind of slumped down with a sigh.
I jogged up to see what was going on, and the whole area around Mopar was covered in purple flowers. It smelled of lavender and rose water. And the giant bug just seemed to roll over onto his back and squirm in them, making happy noises. I think Agent R had just used the equivalent of cat nip on the bug.
We never get it this easy, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a gift giant winged millipede in the maw. Something like that.
I held up my hands, and spoke a few syllables of an incantation I knew, and when it was finished, Mopar began to shrink from his enormous size, down to the size of a garden snake, or even of a normal millipede (normal being a relative term).
Agent R walked up and gently picked up Mopar, and a handful of the flowers, then took out a small jar from his suit pocket, and placed them all gently inside. He screwed on the cap, and glanced at me. “He’s not going to unshrink now, and break my jar, is he?”
I shook my head. “No, he’ll be that size for another 24 hours at least. Then he’ll gradually regain his normal size, but remember that he’s allergic to the crap that comes out of those engines. Why he was here in this part of the city, I have no idea. He should have been out in the national park, miles away.
“Sounds like we’ll have to interrogate him later, “ R said. He didn’t like loose ends, any more than I did. It could have been an accident. Or someone might have lured Mopar out of his habitat.
We had to call in help from the regular MiB office to clean up the general mess and make sure there weren’t any social media leaks. But that was handled. It was officially a gas main leak. Strange there weren’t going to be any lawsuits filed. Imagine that.
“Well anyway, that’s the story of what happened today. Thank you for your cooperation,” I said, as I pulled out my black shades and slipped them on.
“Are you done yet, S,” R asked me.
“Look at the stick please, sir,” Agent R said, as he put on his special shades. The black plastic covered his eyes, as he depressed the Neurolizer button.
There was a flash.
Have a nice day.
Hair- Tableau Vivant \\ Blair II (Salem)